Christmas for me

[lara4228]

For those you who know me, will understand my post, for those who don't, might be a little puzzled by this. Replies are not necessary, I'm only needing to vocalize what I'm feeling.

Christmas is not a happy time of year for me. As many throughout life, experience loss of a family member, whether it be a parent, grand-parent, child, or best friend. This is my 4th year without my loved one. I am having a very difficult time dealing with this void this year. Nothing monumental that has triggered Christmas 2011 as a year to cry about. I guess one can call it a 'notion of emotion'

I have zero spirit. I don't want to give, receive (which I never do anyway), decorate, write cards, bake, care. It was only this past weekend we put up our tree and decorations. I normally have it up by November 1st and my shopping done by then also.

As I sit here, typing this, I'm listening to the radio and I keep encouraging myself to get into the spirit by singing all the Christmas songs that are played, old ones and new songs, but neither have the effect they are meant to have on the listener. I officially hate Christmas.

All growing up, Christmas was full of warmth, presents, spirit and we always hosted dinner for everyone who was celebrating alone. Every year there was a guaranteed 20 guests at our table. To me, this was, is, the Christmas spirit. As I was raising my daughter, I always made it a point to sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus immediately after her stocking was rummaged through.

I guess you can say that I lack this tradition today. However that is not why I hate Christmas. I miss this old tradition and I can't seem to find it within me to carry it on.

Many people who celebrate Christmas today do this for secular reasons. I don't. But I'm not finding any solace. I'm missing my family, my child, and my God.

They say absenteeism from God is hell. Yes it is. But so is absenteeism from family hell as well.

LCR has provided me with a fantastic diversion of these feelings. As I experience these feelings year round. Searching and posting and reading what others have to say here on this forum has been a great sense of therapy. It has allowed me to mask and ignore many of my pains. It has allowed my personality to flourish. It is here, in this hobby, that I am allowed to scrutinize and critque fine details that would probably otherwise create problems in my current relationship. This makes me feel as though I have an outlet. One with a connective and responsive family.

I know some of you, more than likely, feel the same way I do about LCR and our hobby.

Christmas for me is sad and detestable time of year. I hate it. I hate the agony and pain I feel and I feel the need to get this off of my chest. I feel secure knowing that I can express my innermost feelings amongst my family here.

Bah Hum Bug.

[thecentcollector]

Helps if I listen to others... sorry, used to giving feedback/advice..

[RWBILLER]

Lara
I identify with you for so many years I wanted Christmas to be like it was when I was small. Everything seemed to be happy - no troubles - my dear parents and granfsther were alive and so on and so on. I still carry on all the traditions I can.

After the many things and times I almost died. From Vietnam - accidents- drugs- alcohol-suicide- liver transplant I finally asked why am I here? I look at things around me know- today - and understand why. There are people, places and things that still need me. I had to learn to get out of myself and stop being so selfish.

That's why I love lcr - people are so unselfish.

Another thing that guides me is the meaning of Christmas - it is not about gifts - it about how can I be a better person today. It is not one day a year - in my heart I TRY to keep it fresh every day. I is a simple way of living. If I put things above this I loose them first when I don't live simple.

Look around and see if there are things around that make you grateful. Gratitude is the log that gets you out of the rut.

Life sometimes has a victory and defeat about it. The defeat is there is nothing you can do to bring back a person, place or thing. Nothing!

The victory is today you don't have to go through this alone - you have lcr friends, family and God.

Try to live in they day - yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come. If you continue to have a leg in the past and a leg in the future - you will just pee on yourself!

Merry Christmas - you old humbug. Go out and get the 1951 version with Alistair Simms of the Christmas carol and watch it asap. Then report back!

Roger

[mustbebob]

I feel for you Lara. It is in cases like this that friends, in a small way, take a portion of that hurt, and turn it into smiles. You have a rather large family here, and we genuinely care about you, and how you are feeling. We are always happy to listen, and can maybe get you through the tough times. Hang in there. We will always be here if you need us.

[Chugly]

Dear Lara,

I can only imagine the angst that you are going through and Christmas can certainly have a way of intensifying these feelings. Reading your heartfelt post just made me want to give you a big hug, even though I don't know you any other way but electronically. Please know that you are among friends and that your contributions greatly add to the magic of this site. As Bob said, we do have a large family here and I am learning that more and more through my interactions with all of you.

I wish I could undo or make right so much of the evil and bad in this world, but the thought of that is overwhelming. If I focus too much on all that is wrong, it can so easily appear hopeless. For me this can quickly snowball into deep depression. I have found that the best solution for me when I am at wits end, is to just focus on a few little things that you can control and try to make those things right. Being able to talk about these things as you have, is also a good way to find some healing. We WILL be here if you need us! Good luck and hang in there!

Merry Christmas anyway

John

[liveandievarieties]

Seeing my friends console my friend is a Christmas present in it's own right.

Lara- you better believe most of us feel ya. As cherrypickers, we share the same addictive personality which brings incredible highs and lows the depths of which we'd never wish on anyone. We're a unique bunch, so don't feel that you're alone, you never will be as long as you keep engaged with your family here.

Know that you're loved, in a very real and tangible way.

[copperlover]

Lara, I feel your pain and know that this is only temporary and will pass. You have been a friend and will remain one. Time heals all wounds and there is comfort in the fact that you are loved no matter what else is going on. Trust in your maker and pray that your love will continue to be strengthened and in turn you will receive all that you ask in return. Your prayers will be answered. Be strong in your faith and celebrate that. We seek answers but we sometimes don't have the solutions.......they are found in a higher place.
Your Friend
Lucien

PS People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime